River's heart

每隔那么一段时间总有那么几天，我对自己横竖看不顺眼，现在总结如下：

1.二十几岁的人了，不会做饭，不会看水表，不会工作，不会谈恋爱，那你这二十多年都干什么去了？都学习来着？都玩来着？那你怎么还这么弱。所谓的弱，也是一种罪。

2.尝试着从解决麻烦的角色转换为制造麻烦，麻烦制造的很成功，但是反过来发现自己之前好像从来没真正解决过什么麻烦，反而在无意中制造过不少麻烦。那你原来到底是帮人家呢还是毁人家呢？你这会反正是没干什么好事。

其实你现在最大的问题是在面对现阶段最困扰你的这一类问题的时候不能做到不卑不亢，无法把握适度原则，我看你这么下去要把一切都搞杂咯。所谓的被人利用，至少说明，你还是有利用价值的。更悲观的说，有的人人生价值的实现，都是一个被利用的过程。何况这种说法你本来就不同意。人和人之间的关系，我更希望用一种供给和接受的方式来解释，这只是说行为，没有心理活动。不应该因为某个看似贴切的定义影响你对未来的态度，或者你可以把他看作一种压力？someone focus someone fold 你是哪种？

来日方长，你要好自为之。

Tony:Power is the single most important forcein the universe.Money and looks mean nothing except for the power they give us.The second most inportant is sex.Sosex plus power equals fun.

Michelle:You know what?I never realised how fucking knackering it is to know you,Tone.

Tony:It's fun,though.

Michelle:You think?You know what?Tell me you love me.

Tony:You know I love you,Nips.

Michelle:No!Tell me like you'd die for me,like nothing else matters,like your world stops turning because of me.Like you mean it,you little shit.Go on.

Tony:I mean,come on.

Michelle:Wrong answer,Tony.

 

Michelle:Stuff happens.You get over it.

Tony:Yeah,but...

Michelle:Yeah,but.Yeah,but!

Tony:I came because it turns out that ,as it goes...I think I might love you.

Michelle:That's an awfully long sentence,Tony.

Tony:Well,yeah,but...Yeah.

        Chelle!I said it,OK?I'm sorry.

        I'm sorry.

Michelle:Beg.

Tony:Sorry?

Michelle:You heard me,Tone.

Tony:OK.Look,please can we get back?I won't do any of it again.The cheating and lying...

Michelle:Undermining.Sneering.Tauting.Manipulating.

Tony:OK.Yeah.All of those things.I promise.

        So?

Michelle:So I'll see you around.

 

Tony:Michelle,I want to talk to you.I need to tell you something.

        I'm a twat.Idon't know why I'm like this.Maybe I can change.

        I can change.

        You're the only one.

        The truth is...The truth is,I love you.

It's a fucking stupid,messed-up world.
I've got my God.He speaks to me every day.
Some thing Ijust can't work out.So I leave them be.OK?
Even if Ithink they're wrong.
Because I know one day he'll make me understand.
I've got that trust.
It's called belief.

I've been on control since three o'clock yesterday.
32 cabs,not that you'd care.It's a stupid fuss over a birthday party.
Does it give respect to God?Does it promote peace?
Does it help the poor?It's an affront.
So why do we have to do it anyway?
Because I love that woman more than these legs I drag myself along on,and what she wants,she gets.

4月26日离开北京，一夜颠簸，把ipod里所有的歌都听了3遍以上，拉开了南京红眼之旅的序幕。和高中同学们耍的很欢，除了南京恼人的天气，烦躁的夜晚以及不规律的作息以外，我都很满意。

 

在一些在北京的时候一定不会打来的小概率电话不断打入我的手机的时候，我没有想到的是，我的故乡的伙伴们，正在发生着让我感到非常焦虑的变化。

 

首先是，孙姓小虎同学，他的qq签名改为，人无远虑，必有近忧。然后我问及目前宿舍的留守情况，堆儿同学告诉我，只有大小虎，潇，和他，小白已于前几日正式开始了他的实习生涯，现在据说在某游戏公司刻苦学习如何找到更多的游戏bug；dota界不倒的大山小南要去甲子园这个名字一点也不长同学已经拿到了诸多企业的offer，其中包括了大唐电信；靠谱的又帅了同学在昨天和我的联系中告诉我说他正为明天的会议上和一些美国友人说什么发愁；愤青却理智爱国的石头同学在他的校内上发表了一篇很有水平的有关激励目前青年人脚踏实地的开展工作，乐于奉献，为祖国的腾飞添砖加瓦的励志文章，看得我感慨万千……

 

然后细想想，留守宿舍的大小虎以及潇，工作早已有了着落，三儿同学在清华做毕设，前途那是一直无量着呢，那么，鄙人呢？

 

或许这个令人无比焦虑的变化早就已经发生了，或许就在我怀着那种sb一样的优越感去参加那个国企的面试的时候，或许在我用那个萨满完成我wow史上第一杀的时候，或许就在我写这篇日志的时候……

 

做一些和你前途有关的事，谢谢。